the boyband obsession continues....

ok, so....new obsession to mindlessly freakout over. varsity fanclub. thursday (thanksgiving) i was watching the macy's thanksgiving day parade as always, and saw these little cuties perform on a float and of course i spent 2 hours online myspacing/facebooking them. now i am uber obsessed. don't ask why. they are a typical cheesy boyband with eyame songs they dance (good) to. but yeah, totally youtube them hahaha. oh and my favorite member is thomas but he sort of seems like a dick, but i could be wrong. also, he might be dating mandy jiroux, aka miley cyrus's whore best friend.

anywho. i am once again laying in cody's bed. one of the last nights i will blog like this again on a sunday night. its depressing, lets not get into it. so yeah...break is over and it was ok i guess. nothing special, you know. just hung out and worked. black friday was crazy. i only bought a couple shirts. today was kari's 17th birthday. she's getting so old, its weird. do you ever look at other people and think like how the heck are you that old, i swear you were like 11 yesterday, but at the same time you're older too, so its not really fair to be like wow you're not a little kid...
just a thought. but ok i've been depressed lately. its the whole change thing coming, plus i'm failing 2 classes. i can't stand the thought of not having cody in my life anymore. not close, and here in a physical sense anyway. i know this.."departure" isn't the same as last years but still, the concept is overwhelming to me, and i really don't know how i'm going to handle him leaving. it's definitely going to be a tough next few weeks/months even. ughh...i need to be strong. heather i totally wish i was there this past week to hangout when no one else was around. you don't know what i'd give to be in wildewood sometimes. i need a familiar face once and awhile and i don't realize it until i'm like hyperventilating crying in my room wallowing in sorrow and self pity. i don't understand why things work out the way they do, and why God seems to have a grudge against me and deal me the worst cards ever. maybe not the worst cards ever ever, but definitely not the best ones. and this happens to me in a literal sense, in that i never win lottery cards either. i just can't seem to win. maybe one day.

......so i have some goals i guess for next year/semester. workout frequently and not stop the routine. eat better, become more emotionally stable (ahahaha riiiight), get only A's and B's, go to church more, and see the grand canyon with cody. he better take me when (if and hopefully) i go out to arizona. i don't know. i'm really confused about where my life is going. i keep telling myself i need to get my shit together, but another day goes by and i constantly feel like i'm running in place. i don't get it. i can't wait to graduate and start a new chapter of my life in a new city. and then i'll probably bitch about how that sucks too. goodnight.

When it feels like you're fighting
just to breathe that's when you know...