i am deeply offended

by kristen talking about sodomy. look it up. i had to...

no comment.

and she just said "whoa bitch" and told me to calm down.
whoa whoa whoa whoaaaaaaaaaa.

i'm going crazy.

i've resorted to this

though i can't get up the nerve to write a real blog, i will, however, write a blog containing all of my favorite fall out boy lyrics....here goes....

But I must confess,
I'm in love with my own sins. -(america's suitehearts)

I want to scream I love you from the top of my lungs.
But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me.
You can blame your problems on the world for so long.
Before it all becomes the same old song. -(the (shipped) gold standard)

I can't explain a thing
I want everything to change and stay the same
Outside doesn't care about anyone and anything
Now come together, Come apart.
Only get louder when you read the charts.
And oh baby when they made me, they broke the mold.
Girls used to follow me around, then I got cold.
Fly your cameras in the aisle.
And wave them like you just don't care.
I will never believe in anything again.
I will never believe in anything again.
Well change will come. Oh!
Change will come!
I will never believe in anything again. -(coffee's for closers)

ohh baby your a classic
like a little black dress
but you'll be faded soon
stuck on a little hot mess -(tiffany blews)

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great -(thnks fr th mmrs)

When I wake up, I'm willing to take my chances on the hope I forget
that you hate him more than you notice I wrote this for you.
You need him. I could be him...
I could be an accident but I'm still trying.
That's more than I can say for him.
Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman.
Maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town. (grand theft autumn)

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by -(dance dance)

Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song- (sugar we're going down)

I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late- (a little less sixteen candles, a little more touch me)

I'm good to go
And I'm going nowhere fast
It could be worse
It could be taking you there with me
I'm good to go
But it looks like I'm still on my own -(saturday)

Tonight the headphones will deliver you the words that I can't say.
(Tonight I'm writing you) a million miles away - (homesick at spacecamp)

My heart is on my sleeve
wear it like a bruise or blackeye
my badge, my witness
that means that i believed
every single lie you said -(chicago is so two years ago)

you want apologies
girl, you might hold your breath
until your breathing stops forever, forever
(...every pane of glass) the only thing you'll get
is this curse on your lips:
(every pane of) i hope they taste of me forever.
with every breath i wish your body will be broken again, again - (chicago is so two years ago)

Bury me standing under your window with the cinder block in hand
Yeah cause no one will ever feel like this again
And if I could move I'm sure it would only be to crawl back to you
I must have dragged my guts a block... they were gone by the time we (talked)...
I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself
But you know that I could crush you with my voice
Stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me
Hide the details I don't want to know a thing
I hate the way you say my name like it's something secret
My pen is the barrel of the gun. Remind me which side you should be on
I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel.- (the pros and cons of breathing)



OK, so I might have forgotten some...or whatever, i don't know but for the most part these are some of my fave FOB lyrics. Wow I can't believe I sat here and did that. I am a loserrrrr. I should be writing about how my xmas was and how i've had a headache for three days in a row, and how i'm depressed because my boyfriend lives a million miles away, and how i lost five pounds, and how my grandma is here visiting and fucking cracks me up, and how i hate work, and how i.......i don't even fucking knowwwwwwwww. i'll do that shit later though. peace.

oh my god this hurts like hell

so before i write i just want to thank kristen from coming back from her short hiatus away from blogger. welcome back, we faithful readers appreciate it.

now onto the good, but not so good, stuff. i have also been away. i have my reasons. i have tried to avoid the unavoidable on blogger, the place where all of my current emotions and life events have been recorded. last tuesday, a week ago from today, the current love of my love moved back to arizona and left me sleepless in charlotte. i wish i could say seattle, but it just won't work. anyway, so cody left to go back to az and of course i am here. thousands of miles away crying in self pity about how horribly my life plan is going. yes, i understand it could be worse, but for me this is bad and i have the right to bitch to blogger about how shitty i feel. it's pretty shitty. i have been doing better than i expected, but i still have that..sickening empty feeling inside and it comes and goes during those quiet stationary moments throughout the day and especially night. i'm not sure how i was or am supposed to feel, but all i can safely say is that i'm not dead. so i suppose that's a good thing. my life has been uneventful as expected and nothing fun has happened. it is the week of finals and i'm glad for that. i have one more tomorrow and then i'll be done. the bad news is that i have to retake accounting 2 and start calculus over again as well. in conclusion, i will have to work my ass off in order to graduate on time. i need positive motivation and thinking or i'm doomed. i guess i'm doomed. but we'll roll with the punches and hope all goes well from here on out.

i can't wait to go home to maryland during this winter break. it's the highlight of my holiday and will be fun. no doubt about that. soon enough january will be here and i can't believe it will be 2009. whoa. so weird. i can't wait to see cody again. i hate being like this, like all depressed over a boy, but really, he became my best friend in the last year. i'm not the most social butterfly in the meadow, and he was like the only constant thing that has made me happy here. Now without him, being in charlotte, being here in college, i'm just not feelin' it. i want to be done. i want to move on. i'm not exactly sure what that entails, but not this. uhhhh....

i'm mad that my computer is being so slow it won't download the new fall out boy cd fast enough. wtf.

you're the only thing i know like the back of my hand

kelsey, t.swift rules my life too.

tonight is a sad night.
i only have hours left with cody and it doesn't feel real.
he's yelling at me to get off here.
but yeah,
i'm scared......
i love him.

the pants are not going to make everything better

i can't do anything.
er
i have a headache.
my neck hurts
my shoulders hurt
my legs hurt from hiking
i can't do my speech. even though it should be really easy.
i can't even summon the energy to make it through all of the sisterhood the traveling pants
ughhhhhh
skdjfnsdlkfjnsadljkf
i am sad.
i am mad.
i am....________ i don't know.
kristen and i are talking on aim about how our lives areh so dull, and if anything does happen, its bad.
i feel like whatserface girl in sisterhood, the one who works at wallmans and is price sticking the maxi pads and then price sticks her forehead. that's how i feel about my life right now.

i hope it gets better.
but of course not until it gets worse.
but

santa, you bitch

i don't really feel like being on here. for some reason it takes effort for me when i'm not quite in the mood. i've enjoyed the past few days spending alot of time with cody because he's leaving this tuesday..or wednesday. which really really really super sucks and i don't want to talk or think about it. anyway, today we went hiking in gastonia on crowder mountain and it sure was a hike but we finally made it to the top and it was breathtaking. i'll put some pics up on facebook eventually. so yeah, that was relaxing and...nice. we met an older couple that wouldn't stop talking to us, but they were cute hah.

this coming tuesday is also the last day of class, until finals that is, so that's just great. minus cody leaving. sorry i keep ranting about him leaving. it consumes me, and i'm sad. he has become one of my closest friends now, and its going to be incredibly hard being away from him. anyway..oh yea we went to cracker barrel after hiking and man i love that place, its seriously so homey and warm. i wish i had a fireplace in my room. random thought.

so i've enjoyed heathers new poems, just givin' my fiance a shout out (if you didn't know we are engaged on facebook). also, kristen, always funny. can i just say that i am an observer also. what's coming to my mind is britney spears new song, circus, (yes,i bought the album) which begins "there's only two kinds of people in the world. the ones that entertain and the ones that observe" well britney is a put on a show kind of girl, and i am a watch the show from the center/middle row. i don't know why people are born the way they are. i feel like i was made to be awkward and feel embarrassed 24/7, though i shouldn't. i don't know...it's weird. sometimes i'm like super self conscious and other times i'm like psh eff you i don't know you. hmm...i'm not sure which is better to be. anywho, i pay attention to things i really shouldn't. and i want to make it clear that if i'm staring at you i'm simply wondering, i'm not judging you, let's not get the two confused. i hate when people think that certain people are close minded just because their background or sarcasm. whatever. i believe i am open minded and quite frankly i don't care if someone thinks i'm not. i.e.- cody calls me a prissy bitch and thinks i like hate poor people. whoa whoa whoa and whoa. that makes me mad. very untrue. i don't even feel like explaining myself. therefore, i'm going to wrap this up and call it a night. i really should have been doing homework or studying or SOMETHING for the past two hours. what else is new?

p.s.-listen to the maine "santa stole my girlfriend" on youtube.

the boyband obsession continues....

ok, so....new obsession to mindlessly freakout over. varsity fanclub. thursday (thanksgiving) i was watching the macy's thanksgiving day parade as always, and saw these little cuties perform on a float and of course i spent 2 hours online myspacing/facebooking them. now i am uber obsessed. don't ask why. they are a typical cheesy boyband with eyame songs they dance (good) to. but yeah, totally youtube them hahaha. oh and my favorite member is thomas but he sort of seems like a dick, but i could be wrong. also, he might be dating mandy jiroux, aka miley cyrus's whore best friend.

anywho. i am once again laying in cody's bed. one of the last nights i will blog like this again on a sunday night. its depressing, lets not get into it. so yeah...break is over and it was ok i guess. nothing special, you know. just hung out and worked. black friday was crazy. i only bought a couple shirts. today was kari's 17th birthday. she's getting so old, its weird. do you ever look at other people and think like how the heck are you that old, i swear you were like 11 yesterday, but at the same time you're older too, so its not really fair to be like wow you're not a little kid...
just a thought. but ok i've been depressed lately. its the whole change thing coming, plus i'm failing 2 classes. i can't stand the thought of not having cody in my life anymore. not close, and here in a physical sense anyway. i know this.."departure" isn't the same as last years but still, the concept is overwhelming to me, and i really don't know how i'm going to handle him leaving. it's definitely going to be a tough next few weeks/months even. ughh...i need to be strong. heather i totally wish i was there this past week to hangout when no one else was around. you don't know what i'd give to be in wildewood sometimes. i need a familiar face once and awhile and i don't realize it until i'm like hyperventilating crying in my room wallowing in sorrow and self pity. i don't understand why things work out the way they do, and why God seems to have a grudge against me and deal me the worst cards ever. maybe not the worst cards ever ever, but definitely not the best ones. and this happens to me in a literal sense, in that i never win lottery cards either. i just can't seem to win. maybe one day.

......so i have some goals i guess for next year/semester. workout frequently and not stop the routine. eat better, become more emotionally stable (ahahaha riiiight), get only A's and B's, go to church more, and see the grand canyon with cody. he better take me when (if and hopefully) i go out to arizona. i don't know. i'm really confused about where my life is going. i keep telling myself i need to get my shit together, but another day goes by and i constantly feel like i'm running in place. i don't get it. i can't wait to graduate and start a new chapter of my life in a new city. and then i'll probably bitch about how that sucks too. goodnight.

When it feels like you're fighting
just to breathe that's when you know...

when you hear this song i hope that it will give you hell

i'm sitting on the couch at cody's being unproductive on my computer while he sits next to me, still dirty and smelly from work, watching jerry mcguire. i'm not sure what this movies all about, but i do know renee zellwegger annoys me. i think its her voice....anyway.

i went to see twilight tonight with my sister, finally. and as told, it did not live up to expectations of those who read the books. the acting needed work, and it was filled with awkward moments and shaky camera angles i didn't really enjoy. the music was okay, the scenery was wayyyy too fake and made me mad. but other than that, they kept the story pretty well i guess. anyway, let's hope that new moon (the second book) that gets turned into a movie, because it is going to, is better than twilight.

on another note, i can't stop laughing about kristens newest blog about her family. mostly about her dad making an excel sheet for all of the thanksgiving food they need. that really made my day, and i got a good LOL out, literally. alright well, i don't have much else to rant about...

never think

i'm laying here in cody's bed and nobody is home here. he's at the bar with his cousin and i've decided to raid their house since my best friend was here alone (my computer). i thought i'd blog for a moment. just a short one i think. i don't have too many thoughts i'd like to express, but there's a few i suppose.

first off, it's been freezing in charlotte the past few days. i'm indoors and i can't feel my nose. i think i'm getting a sinus infection or something too. can anything get worse? i went to the uncc vs clemson game tonight and we lost by one point which is sad, but that's life. it's a game and you win some, you lose some. regardless, life goes on. but i got a free jack in the box tshirt that i don't want so i'm giving it to cody. its an ugly shade of red and says "for your late night foody call" on the back. haaaaa. wow. how cute. but yeah, and i got free coupons for a milkshake or something. what else?

oh of course. today was awesome. cody and i went up to mooresville to go to the lazy 5 ranch. it's a 3.5 mile safari type drive you just drive through with your windows down and see all the animals and feed them. we got bombarded by these elk/deer/buffalo animals and it was insane. see the pics on my facebook soon. but yeah, we saw all kinds of deer, elk, rhino, birds, pigs, llamas, camels, giraffes, zebras. it was really neat and we had a blast :) overall, good day. i haven't had a saturday off in so long so it was really nice.

i can't believe november is almost over. it seems like yesterday it was halloween. i'm baffled (that's a kristen word i think) haha anyway i'm baffled at how fast time goes by. i wish i could rewind my life and relive certain moments from this summer. mostly because i want more time. more time to spend with the people that mean the most to me. i'll never understand why life works out the way it does. i guess its all choices. i'm not sure about fate or destiny anymore..but i'm trying to convince myself there is something to look up to...someday....

it's 2 am and i'm cursin' your name

so...what to say, what to say. things are not going as planned, and that's the usual. i am doing horrible in several of my classes and it seems the more i study, the worse i do. how does this happen? according to kristen it is murphys law, which just happens to be based on my life. anyway,

not much has happened in the last few days. i am caught up on all of the saw movies, except for saw 5. they are good and i wish i watched them earlier hah. umm..i went to the gym last night for the first time in like a week. bri almost fell off the tredmill while she was facing me talking, and that made my night 10 times better lol. i dropped my underwear in the middle of the living room in front of kristen's friend casey last night and that was embarassing. all in all, nothing great is going on.

i want to touch on kelseys most recent blog about the whole songs that bring up memories of the past that you're just in the mood to remember. yeah i totally feel you on that. its sad how a memory can ruin a song thats actually really good. ugh. i'm tired and i don't know why. its freezing outside and i love it but i hate that it won't snow.

cause i'm your baby

ok so i'm really lame and listening to ll cool j & the dream "baby" and i only like it because of the chorus that goes "cause i'm your baby, your baby, your baby, your baby.." well its catchy to me, okay.

i'm laying in cody's bed being unproductive, though i did update his ipod for him, and read a chapter of my book of the moment which is eclipse, the third book of the twilight series. i can't get enough of this. and i think its time i write why i really like this book.

the twilight series is pure fantasy. it's completely unrealistic in every single way and i think that's why i relate to it so much. i am an unrealistic person in many ways. a dreamer if you will, hence my hotmail email (dreamer..etc etc @hotmail.com) which i made in like 6th grade, but it does apply to the wanders of my mind. back to twilight, if you didn't know, it is a love story about vampires and humans- primarily a senior boy and girl named Bella and Edward who are madly, annoyingly, weirdly in love. and its addictive and i'm jealous. though their close love makes me sick, i admit i envy it and live vicariously through bella. you need to read these books to understand the obsession i suppose, but i promise it will be worth it. if you refuse to read it, at least go see the movie when it comes out november 21st. i sure am! ha...

well this week was complete shit except for the fact that i got taylor swifts album, and that was the only good thing that came from this week i swear. i failed two tests and am worried to death i will not graduate on time. i have 18 credits next semester which basically means i will be living in a darker cave than i already do now. plus i will not have my boy around to escape to when i don't want to do schoolwork. that is depressing and i plan on maximizing my spare time watching surfthechannel.com catching up on tv series that i either missed or always wanted to watch such as the last two seasons of grey's anatomy and all of gossip girls. oh, and i plan on getting addicted to exercise. this has always been a dream of mine but somehow i can't bring my body to agree with my mind. maybe someday this will happen. one can only hope.

i have no new cool stories except that i got my teeth cleaned yesterday and today at work some lady told me that while she was standing in line to check out she was thinking about how i looked like one of the models in the huge poster behind the desk. thanks, i guess. uhhhhh i'm going to bed.

my zen day calendar

friday, september 10, 2008.

"the fact is, the universe has chosen you as the vehicle through which to experience the uncanny thrill of cutting up cabbage for dinner, the wonder that is inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide, the fabulous spectacle of watching your laundry dry at a coin-op laundromat where the radio is stuck on an E-Z listening station and an old lady keeps staring at you for no discernible reason. The universe has demanded that you be you. Ain't no avoidin' it"

-Brad Warner

I just thought this was funny because though I could come up with a way worse situation for my own life, it was still kind of funny, and true.

you're the only thing i know like the back of my hand

oh here we go again..a new day, a new obsession, something else to get me excited about so i get through the day in one piece. taylor swift's new album, fearless, came out today and of course i got it on itunes. it's awesome. and no wonder number 2 on itunes album charts. so far "breathe" is my favorite song on the album. and yes, its a depressing one. i feel it will be tied to events coming up in my life (cody moving away). and i of course will sit alone in my room and think about why life happens the way it does, why it happens to me, and if i'm the only one going through pain and heartache right now. i ask myself alot of questions during the day. its weird because sometimes i almost, and i mean jussstt almost catch myself talking aloud to myself. like whispering. a dull whisper, that no one would understand because it sounds like mumbling. but yeah...its crazy, and i wish i could stop dwelling on every little thing. people have been doing things that annoy me lately. and whats funny about it is that the people that are doing the things that annoy me are complete strangers. let me elaborate in the next paragraph.

1. people who drive in the dark without their lights on. -- seriously i hope you crash because you're an idiot.
2. people who feel the need to speed in 5 o'clock traffic. --you're not gonna get anywhere faster. i almost died yesterday because of this.
3. people who drive 10 under the speed limit.-- you should have your license revoked.
4. people who speed up when they know you need to get over. --fuck you. you're an asshole.

well i can't think of anything else about drivers right now that pisses me off but you get the gist. anyway, i'd like to note to kristen that i really liked your newest blog in your..2nd blog i think. about like change and some other stuff but it got me thinking about alot of things that i don't really like thinking about. also, kels i read your blog too, i can't believe its been five years either. it's weird the way that no matter what happens in life, it does go on and there's not much you can do about it. ughhhhhhhh. i don't know what else to write about right now. i need to study.

You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can’t breathe,without you,
But I have to.

-taylor swift

quickie

gotcha with the title. haha oh i'm so funny. ok just wanted to post my a couple of my favorite quotes from twilight.

I’d already lived through the worst thing possible. In comparison with that, why should anything frighten me now? I should be able to look death in the face and laugh.” -bella swan


“One thing I truly knew - knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the stoles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest - was how love gave someone the power to break you. I’d been broken beyond repair.” -bella swan

this ain't no holiday for me

so my hilary duff obsession is still going strong and i am freaking cause i'm in love with her new song "holiday" that's going to be on her best of album out on november 11!!!!!!!! anyway, its really good.

something happened monday afternoon and i was given horrible horrible news by someone i love very much. it hurt me....alot. i hope everything works out.

on a lighter note, obama won yesterday and i am proud to say i voted. its going to be an interesting next four years. i'm down for whatever. well, there's alot more i could say but i don't feel like elaborating today. maybe tomorrow....

I remember summers, you & me lasting forever
Holidays come & we'd never, never ever be apart
I remember spending, all of my time, every minute
The two of us we had our own rhythm, intune with the beat of my heart

Now in the summer (I miss you)
& in the winter (I miss you)
It don't matter (what I do)
Since you went away, since you went away
Now in the summer (I miss you)
& in the winter (I miss you)
It don't matter what I do
It don't matter what I say
You left it

You took a holiday from us
Took a trip & left your love
If your heart wasn't down forever
You should have told me where it was
You took a holiday from me
I guess you needed to be free
Would have loved you with no measure
& now you got me asking
Where (where did you go huh?, where did you go huh?)
Where (where did you go huh?, where did you go huh?) did you go?
(where did you go huh?) Where did my heart go?
You took a holiday
Where (where did you go huh?, where did you go huh?)
Where (where did you go huh?, where did you go huh?) did you go?
Why did you leave?
This ain't no holiday for me

Walkin', watching you leave there's no talking
Back in my arms it's so shocking, guess forever was just a dream
I think we could have made it, but our history now is fading
My image of the future is changing & baby damn that thing called destiny, got the best of me

Now in the summer (I miss you)
& in the winter (I miss you)
It don't matter what I do
It don't matter what I say
You left it

You took a holiday from us
Took a trip & left your love
If your heart wasn't down forever
You should have told me where it was
You took a holiday from me
I guess you needed to be free
Would have loved you with no measure
& now you got me asking
Where (where did you go huh?, where did you go huh?)
Where (where did you go huh?, where did you go huh?) did you go?
(where did you go huh?) Where did my heart go?
You took a holiday
Where (where did you go huh?, where did you go huh?)
Where (where did you go huh?, where did you go huh?) did you go?
Why did you leave?
This ain't no holiday for me

lindsay lohan lyrics aren't even good enough right now

"since everything is but an apparition perfect in being what it is, having nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may as well burst out in laughter" -long chen pa

i'm not joking about that person's name. i don't know who they are but that was on my zen calender for october 18th. anyway, i'm in an annoyed mood lately. i wish i could copy and paste a blog post kristen recently wrote about the certain people thing...yeah...i'm so there right now. i'm totally feeling the sitting on the couch watching a movie and ranting. ranting is good. is ranting also called bitching? i prefer ranting. i rant alot. only in my head really. it gets old after awhile but somehow i can't stop. i ranted out loud last night, not even loud, like yelled. literally. i feel slightly bad about it, however i guess that's what you get when you bottle things up and then explode about them (kristen, i guess somehow i was trying to be mysterious and i'm sorry because i may be categorized into one of the people you hate) except i have excuses. i always do. moving on, i don't know where i was going with this.

i'm driving my dad's truck this weekend and its not as much fun as it usually is. i just want my car back. well i'm going to go have a glass of wine and hope it doesn't make me nauseous.

think of you later in my empty room..

so as i sit here and listen to some music i wonder why i'm not writing my speech. it's not cool. i just heard a lyrics "i'm not into goodbyes" well you know, me either.

today was far more uneventful than the past few days. i had to get up early and go to work, and then straight to SI which i'm glad i did because it helped alot and i got my homework done. well then i hung out with cody for awhile before i went to get my haircut. it turned out nicely...its still long but uh there's a really short layer in the back and i'm still trying to play around with it and get used to.
alright so obnoxious is my word of the week. everything and everyone is being obnoxious to me lately.

Main Entry:

Pronunciation: obnoxious

\äb-ˈnäk-shəs, əb-\

Function:

adjective

1archaic : exposed to something unpleasant or harmful —used with to

2archaic : deserving of censure3: odiously or disgustingly objectionable : highly offensive

ok so i suppose i am irritated which was kristen's word of the year not too long ago. on with that story, yeah i don't know i've been in a mood the last few days. a rut, if you will. but nothing is really wrong, at the same time everything is. do you know what i mean? and yes kristen i do feel that way sometimes. the way i am referring to is the feeling of not ever doing something right. its basically the story of my life, but then i make myself feel better (or try to) by making myself believe that nothing i do is wrong and i'm like amazing and awesome and everything i do is perfect in that its horribly not perfect....i know it doesn't make sense but sometimes its just better to pretend like things are a certain way when obviously they aren't. anyway you probably didn't understand that but whatever.

tomorrow i'm getting paid 100 dollars to babysit from like 12- 7 or 8 or something like that. i'm dumb and i'll probably spend that money by next tuesday afternoon. there's so many things on my list to do. i'd run out of space and my fingers would hurt if i wrote them all down. i wish i could get motivated enough to accomplish one of my many brilliant ideas..one of which is to start scrapbooking with the hundreds of pictures i have on my computer from the past 4 years. maybe one day it will happen.

fearless

i'm very obsessed with taylor swift's song "fearless" at the moment, and i would like everyone to know.

moving on, the last few days have been a whirlwind. not really, but lets pretend they were. i haven't accomplished much of anything but that's nothing new. last night was amazing. cody bailed on me to see the concert i've had tickets to for a month but it was an acceptable reason. i took kristen instead and she had a blast and i'm glad. it was the all time low show at tremont. that was not the reason i went. i went to see THE MAINE. aka lead singer john is my future husband. so we watched every avenue perform, and then of course the maine, and a bit of mayday parade after which we just left. i got all i wanted out of the night and it was very nice.

today was also an exciting day. raven symone (as in that's so raven & the cosby show) was on our campus doing a voting rally thing. i met up with my old roommate christie (good to see her) and my current roommate kristen and met her and got a picture with her. so cool. hhah man i'm a loser. we got free food too..always good.

i was very disappointed, however, to arrive at the designated SI (supplemental instruction aka tutoring) location today only to find it was cancelled and no one told me. Part of this was my fault for missing class this morning, but my alarm didn't go off because the ringer is broken so hearing it is a hit or miss. today=miss. ugh. my life makes me laugh. anywho, i sat there for a few minutes like a moron and when no one came i got fed up and peaced out. the rest of the day is a blur. i went to target..and the gym...i have to work tomorrow early and i'm not happy about getting up early.

things are going oh so well and oh so not

the new copeland album is on myspace for a full listening preview before its available on tuesday and i must admit i do love it. however, copeland has that special effect on you. the kind of effect that makes you want to lie awake in your bed in the dark and ponder about the realities of life...that or drive in the rain. i don't know. but i really like it and tonight kristen can depress over the spill canvas stuff i sent her and this is mine. haha. hmm...alright new things. today is my dad's birthday. happy birthday dad. my birthday was last tuesday, i am in my 20's now. (20). climbing up the ladder we call life. its strange not to be known as a teenager anymore, i'm not sure i like it..but i feel the same so we will let it only be a number.

we are on fall break. i was officially as of friday around 3:15 after i left accounting SI. so i have tomorrow and tuesday to be lazy and do what i do best, which is nothing. and its amazing. i have been hanging out with cody (good times, good times). we went to see nick and norah's infinite playlist yesterday and it was uber cute. i want to marry michael cera. what else...i've been reading twilight nonstop. i have a feeling this series will become part of my top favorite books. we'll see. i did some homework, glad that's over. i vacuumed my car out. that's always nice...

i would like to stop for a moment to comment on kelsey's blog post about people and personalities and situations. in a nutshell, she threw out there the question "Do different parts of you come out at different times of the day or do you only have one identity and when you supress certian parts of it does that mean your being fake?" well kelsey, i have an easy answer for you. everyone in the entire world has multiple personality disorder in some sort of way.not to take mpd light, but moreso like in different situations and different...well everything.. you will react in your own way. i mean that every single thing around you affects who you are at all times, maybe not in the big picture, but everything from weather outside to what you are wearing or if you're sick or tired or stressed or really just anything. i don't think you can put a label on if you are being you are not because you is composed of so many different things. i believe in just...being. i probably could diagnose myself with every disorder in the book pretty much so i'm not too worried about being 'fake'. i'm just...doing what i do. being weird and overly thinking everything in my life.

well that was probably the longest blog i've written in awhile. more later...

you see the night is all i have to make me fear
and all i want is just a love to make it hurt
cause all i need is something fine to make me loose
now its a funny way i find myself with you

-copeland

love rhymes with hideous car wreck

so i took a blood brothers song from kristen to use as my blog title. i like it.

today is a sunday and everyone knows i don't much like sundays because they are sad and i can never accomplish anything on these days. they are slow, and usually pretty outside. at least today was. i just finished watching the third episode of this seasons one tree hill and it has been crazy already. of course i cried. but that's nothing new.

last week was insane and i had four exams and probably didn't do as good as i could have on them. i need to go to si and the math center on a weekly basis from now on. i need to make some goals and stick to them for once. so we'll see how this goes. tuesday is my 20th birthday and i'm pretty excited though i have no plans. at work yesterday i got a free pair of jeans, (everyone did) so that was cool. another thing about work that i actually do like is all of the black people that wear obama shirts. it makes my day instantly better hah. yeah....um some shit went down this weekend that was dumb and i'm over it i guess. i don't know where my life is going and i'm not a fan of this not knowing stuff but i should probably take control over things and make it better. that could be a start. wow i'm a little cooky when i'm on my period i won't even deny it. sorry. sorry in advance for the next time. i really need to go to target now and get the new jacks mannequin cd because i want it in a hard copy form. aka i don't feel like being annoyed with itunes right now because its still messed up and has 3 copies of every song and it pisses me off. THEREFORE i am going to resign for the night and call it a day. peace. love. xo you know.

like climbing up a greased pole

first of all, i'd like to thank kristen for my blog title because it is a quote from her blog. that is life as we know it. very crafty. anyhow, things are slightly looking up, but not really. about everyone knows that my car died 2 weeks ago and therefore i was stuck driving my sisters car for a week, and finally last friday i got an 03 accord which is running just fine and hopefully can stick it out 2 more years until i'm done school (at least). just as i thought my world was uplifting, my computer crashed last week out of nowhere and i was out of a laptop for a few days which was horrible, granted the amount of time i spend on this thing. it was fixable, thank god, but i did lose my pictures from last dec through now which made me depressed. some are on facebook and myspace, but you know, alot are still gone so i'm not a happy camper about that. i still haven't found the energy to organize my itunes because 1. i'm scared my music won't be there and 2. i don't want to sit here for hours and do it. i am also avoiding accounting and micro homework. oh well. i just watched the hills episode from monday i missed and it made me feel a little better for the moment. i need to go to the gym today before work. that's the goal of the day. also, i want to touch on the weather for just a minute. it's been really nice, you know not too hot, not too cold. it actually feels like the seasons are changing and for some reason, though it feels good it makes me kind of sad, you know what i mean? that feeling...ha..um..yeah. well okay anyway oh oh one more thing. i saw this boy on a bike on campus the other day, mind you, i normally hate people on bikes because i've had near death experiences with them, howEVER, this boy was the most gorgeous thing i've ever seen and so after i had a good look, i texted kristen about his hottness because she is the only one who'd ever appreciate his look and i expected never to see this fellow again, (besides in my dreams). now here comes the good/awkward/weird/fate part. i was in accounting the next day and low and behold who comes and sits in the row in front me? none other than my future boyfriend. jk. but yeah, i tried my hardest not to stare too long or too often but i had a feeling like people were seeing me being a creeper so i controlled myself. so accounting is now a better class. the end.

oh no this is all wrong

so pretty much i live my life like i have all the time in the world which is beyong untrue. i have so many things to do right now and none of it is being done. instead i went to my one class today, (hey at least i went) and then came back home and crawled back into bed with cody. got up around oh..one something and did nothing but listen to him talk about fantasy football and act like i'm really interested. so that's fun. i ate a hot pocket. well lean pocket. since then i've been effing around on the internet doing meaningless things like checking hilarynews.com and reading all of kristen's blogs i've missed out on for the past week and a half which dang girl slow down or just decide to write an autobiography already. besides all of that, i have to write a speech to give...tomorrow. yeah, i know. i should be more worried about it, along with the calc quiz i will have. hmm..i wonder what we did on monday since i'm an idiot and skipped. oh well. i didn't wear any makeup to class this morning because 1. i didn't shower and 2. i knew i was going to go back to bed, so i felt like people were looking at me thinking omg she's so ug. but whatever i'll get over it. i liked kristens comment about having to take a moment for her body temp to regulate back to normal after walking to class. story of my life. i swear i'm the only person who sweats in a 60 degree room. ughhh. last week i went to public speaking class and when i got there i looked down and realized that i had my shirt on inside out. only 3 other people were there, 1 girl and 2 boys i don't know. so i tried to play it off and talk to the girl about how retarded i am and i took my shirt off (i had a tank top on under it) and put it back on the right way. the boys there probably think i'm weird now. i'm listening to makedamnsure and it reminds me of good times.

ohh i wish that i was looking into your eyes

its been two days and i hate school already. i'm going to make this short and sweet. i'm listening to katy perry "thinking of you" aw i love it. anywho i am stressed. my classes are hard. i'm going to have to try. which is not good. i have to work, workout, and manage this thing called life, which after almost 4 months of summer is going to be a pretty big task. i liked kelsey's blog point about summer being a weekend of the year, it is. and also why people freak over summer flings and love and blah blah. why can't everything just flow and be how it is and fall into place when its supposed to. i also agree about the ipod shuffle fate. yeah sometimes i do think that certain songs come on for a reason but it depresses me and i usually just change it haha. but yea i don't know. i don't want to think about how things will be in the future i can't imagine it sometimes but it will come and that's it. tonight at work it was only three of us- me, christina and one of the managers sandy and it was her last day so we got dairy queen and just basically stood around the store the whole time and talked. it was actually a good night there for once. its also monsooning out and so i've gotten soaked about 4 times today. ugh. i like rain, but only when i'm laying in bed watching and/or listening to it. this park down the street that cody and i played catch at the last week is completely flooded and looks like a pond. its really weird to see it like that. the soccer goals are like floating in it. i wonder if class will get cancelled for flooding....hmm..yeah right. i'm going to bed. i have to get up at 8. fuck.

i'm so annoying

so i'm creepy obsessed with this song called what if by safetysuit. and yes i heard it on the hills but i don't care. so everybody who reads this go download that song!! oh its amazinggggggg. ok anyway, once again i got cut tonight from work so i'm even more poor. i got harassed by some of our new neighbors. its kinda scary when u go up stairs and have a herd of drunk guys say "stop! you can't go any further. turn your ass around and get in that apartment right there." umm...what do you say to that..."no thanks i'd rather be blogging?" oh no, you awkwardly laugh and say hah um oh i live right there maybe later...bye...so that was cool. oh and apparently tonight when i was at my parents house i broke the tredmill...i mean damn i didn't think i was that big, but my dad was like STOP and i couldn't hear him cause my ipod was so loud but he was yelling that the motor was about to blow up so that's great but really the tredmill is sort of old and its had alot of use so eff it, thats so not my fault if its making weird sounds now. whatev. well....aw i miss my friends at home. love you guysss.. good luck to kels and her blog, inspired by me..and heather too i suppose. hah. awesome. okay i'm going to watch college road trip. (yea that movie with raven) PEACE

the 7 things i hate about...life

so i'm listening to some old school copeland and talking on aim being a loser. i havent written in so long but i need to start again. it needs to be a habit because...i said so. and i am so amused by other people's blogs i have to keep the trend going. also heather said she was just inspired to start one because of me and the title of her blog is even like mine so i'm really flattered. anywho...
its august and that means school starts monday. thank god i am in a new apartment with wonderful people so you would think things could only be looking up right now...but no, its my life which means something has to go wrong every 5 seconds. last week it was getting a flat tire on the way to the soundtrack to your summer tour so i missed the maine and i was beyond pissed. this week i got hours cut at work which means i'm poorer, along with fantastic news about someone important to me moving far, far away. and to top it all off 1/5 of my family left, aka JR went off to college. how brave of him to actually leave farther than 10 minutes from our parents house. kudos. its all very bittersweet. i need a new hobby. oh well okay let me recap on the rest of summer..just got back from nj for the reunion that was fun. then ct to see grandparents, also great. and of course visiting the godparents in pa. we rafted down the delaware river. woo hoo. i also went home to md in june for a week which i don't know if i got to mention when i wrote last. thats really all the excitement i have going on right now. i need to pick up my parking pass and get books...ughhhh

what the eff

so im sure a MILLION and a half things have changed since i wrote. ive been anti social. well anti blog. i dont know why. i tell k to blog and i dont even write in my own. i guess thats sort of wrong. i should practice what i preach huh? ok lets see. im done school for summer. i now work at ann taylor factory and my old job and still nannying. i have cody. i went to florida for a week. im going home next week (md). people are still calling me psycho and crazy. thats always awesome. umm.what else? i passed accounting (fucking sweet). well i dont know much else. things are good. prettyyy good. oh yeah and i just chopped all my hair off the other day. starting fresh.

embarassing stuff

so really, i'm embarassed i haven't written in so long. it's kinda sad. really sad actually. its taken me like an hour to read all kristens new blogs and those are the recent ones too. its lame that i actually have an hour to read her blogs. but its okay because they are entertainment for sure and i get a good laugh out of them too. so sex and candy just came on my itunes, and these lyrics make me laugh. sooooooo

updates on my life:

1. winter break is over and it was nice. i went to md. that was really awesome.
2. this semesters classes suck for me
3. i haven't quite made or followed my new yrs resolutions or lent..things

ok speaking of which i don't know what i'm going give up...i have an idea. and damnit i just wrote a bunch and my keyboard was gay and deleted it. fuck. ok anyway so what was i saying? oh yea i have been having a realization..an epiphany if you will, that the saying, good things come to those who wait may be true. or partially. i got a chi pro dryer and a flat iron worth around 300 bucks for FREE at work. yea farouk systems sent them to us. so that was cool. and i just won $350 bucks for selling alot of kenra. how fucking awesome is that? yeah i thought so too. i need money, i'm poor. so those are good things among others that won't be mentioned but we'll see....because you know truth and time tells all. thank you justin bobby.

uhh..i don't know what else is new...the semester is going by pretty fast. i want to go somewhere for spring break but the thats highly unlikely. whatever. peace out.